Being able to use community-connections to find local contractors and services is only the first step. Your connections make the connection but then it is up to you. Once they stop by to learn about the task, comes “the negotiation” — and this is where I would fail without Walter. The is important part. I used to marvel as I listened to my father-in-law’s “pre-quote” conversation with anyone who was to do work for us in France, or sometimes just sell us wood or bricks. Now I listen to his son do it. Over the obligatory espresso, the bulk of these conversations are not about the task at hand, but about who you remember as a child, or a long gone grandmother’s rebuke, and what funny stories you can dredge up about mutual acquaintances. They might slip into memories of that ice storm a decade ago or the bug that is killing the hedges, and then they get down to business for the last five minutes. After they leave, Walter will say, “ok, they start work a week from Tuesday” or “she will come and take a look on Friday and then give us an estimate.” And it will happen. Sometimes, if it is a member of a family he has known since before they were born they will say they are really busy and not taking any more jobs; however, as this is just “a little job” they should be able to fit it in after the next job is completed. And that’s it. The job will be done when they have time, but it will be done. One morning they will call and say “I am waiting for the parts/materials/supplies to be delivered for the other job, so I can come this week.” And if you had other plans you should cancel them. Your work is being done. But only now, not at your convenience. Someone with no connections or no skills at “the negotiation” might wait a year for those replacement roof tiles, but you will have the work done before it rains.
These conversations are really like a formal dance with recognized moves and points of contact. They do not include personal questions or private information, ever, they are primarily social. Like aperitif. Someone might pull out their phone and share some photographs, and they might share some tragedies, but do not pry. I think connection dances may be easier for the British than for Americans (although Americans from the South might be quite good at them). They work in both the US and the UK, though. For years I watched Walter make friends of US contractors before I realized he was doing the French-thing. And I don’t think he realized either; he was doing what he learned from his father. He said it was just showing respect and breaking down hierarchies, which is surely also right. I’m going to look for the many anthropological/sociological studies of this that I am sure exist and will add another post when I find them (recommendations welcome).
There is hope for outsiders, though. My FIL grew up in England but he mastered the art of the conversation. As long as you serve the coffee / small beer / wine (or tea depending on the person and task) and are patient with the small talk things will work. Paying attention to the comings and goings of the village/neighborhood helps. With the amazing woman who manages my MIL’s garden and agreed to take on oversight of ours as well until we are there full-time, I could contribute comments about the box tree beetles and how all of the wild box in the hills above Saint-Antonin-Noble-Val were stripped bare — like our hedge, which she then inspected and showed up at 7:30 am the next day to treat on her way to another job. I’m learning, and people are being patient with me as I learn to be patient with the process, but I leave important negotiations to Walter.
I think this may be the most important skill for new denizens to learn; more than French. You can use translation apps if you need to— I am in love with my Soundcore AeroFit 2 earbuds, little babel fish that are themselves a subject of conversation. But Google translate works as well. You can’t get things done without patience and conversation. And honestly, having the day punctuated by the little conversations that accompany the morning espresso and the coffee/beer/ wine that marks the return after lunch helps me stay in the new rhythm of my new life. And celebrate it. In a decade or two I suspect we will be all business and no connection like the US, but I hope not.